Stupid has no basement

That is the quote of the day. It never ceases to amaze me how stupid people can be. So, for a little humor on this Monday, I am giving a collection of stupid crook stories.

There are some places where you just shouldn’t do certain things. Don’t wear a meat suit in a pirahna shop. Don’t let your pet ferret get some exercise on a crowded subway. Don’t bring crack to church. And don’t try to burglarize a police department’s K-9 kennel. According to the Associated Press, three people were caught trying to break into a building used by police as their K-9 dog kennel.
When police caught them in the act, they tried to run away. Mind you they are running away from police dogs. If only they were dogs themselves or didn’t have smells, they might have had a chance.
It gets even worse. One of the burglars was caught and got bit by one of the K-9 units on the bum. The dog mind you, not the officer. If a cop bites you on the bum, I’m sure there’s some kind of brutality or sexual harassment complaint you could file.


BOSTON (FOX25) — Police have arrested a man who they say robbed a New Hampshire bank on Saturday morning dressed as a tree. The man demanded money from the teller and took off. He was arrested at his home late Saturday night.
A guy dressed as a tree tried to rob a bank. He didn’t wear a tree costume. He taped branches to his body with duct tape, you know for authenticity.
This really doesn’t make much sense. I realize that’s the understatement of the year, but I’m talking about just the context of the situation. If there were trees in the bank, then he might been able to use camoflauge or mimicry. That’s just not common sense. That’s something I learned in the sixth grade in life science and I flunked the course.
But once again, you have to love the yukmeisters that work in our nation’s television newsrooms. The story talks about how the guy really went on a “limb” in this robbery, and they hope he doesn’t “stick” up any more banks. It’s good to know Norm Crosby hasn’t left our hearts.

Jermaine Washington picked the wrong people to rob yesterday, cops said. Washington, an ex-con with 33 prior arrests, hid in the bushes along a dimly lit path in Manhattan's Riverside Park just after midnight, intent upon holding up the next two people he encountered, police said. Unfortunately for Washington, those two people were a pair of armed and uniformed rookie cops. "It was stupid criminal tricks," said a police source. "The guy didn't even look to see who was coming."

A cannabis smoker has been arrested after complaining to police that he was sold bad weed.
Hans-Juergen Bendt, 52, from Darmstadt, lodged a complaint about his dealer with police after he sold him seven ounces of "completely un-enjoyable" hash.

Not so Stupid-
A convicted fraudster escaped from a high security jail in Germany after climbing into a cardboard box and posting himself to freedom.
Max Friedener, 28, escaped from prison in Darmstadt after hiding in the box in the mailroom. He escaped from the mail van as it was driving away.

Stupid again-
Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

For all the ladies-
Forty-five-year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to the police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

Dave so-and-so of Anniston, Alabama, was injured recently after he attempted to replace a tubelike fuse in his Chevy pickup with a 22-caliber rifle bullet (used because it was a perfect fit). However, when electricity heated the bullet, it went off and shot him in the knee.

Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because of a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

I'll find some more for next week.