A little on the lighter side

A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal topay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment,he provided the court a check -- a forged check. He got 10years.

A man went into a drugstore, pulleda gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over hishead -- and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.

A man successfully broke into abank after hours and stole -- are you ready for this -- the bank's videocamera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotaperecorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get thevideotape of himself stealing the camera.)

A man successfully broke into abank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up prettybadly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get tothe money from where he was, (2) he could not climb back out the windowthrough which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. Sohe located a phone and dialed "911" for help...

Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-homesite to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., theysnatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it ontothe pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brainsurgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more*walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, andreturned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keysin the truck -- so they abandoned it.

Since school has just begun:
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying veryhard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o ifyou would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hearfrom you.

Love,Your $on.

Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keepeven an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledgeis a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,Dad

And...
At a recent open house at a suburban high school,a parent wandered into a teacher's office that was empty, and lookedaround the room. Posted on the bulletin board was a list of sentencesthat the teacher's students have written on exam papers throughthe years. Other teachers contributed to the collection, too. The parent couldn't resist copying the list of sentences, including thesegems of creativity:By Peter B. Taub

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Spices.
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
Three kinds of blood vessels or the arteries, veins and caterpillars.
The dodo is a bird that is nearly decent now.
A thermometer is an instrument for rasing temperance.
To remove air from a flask, fill the flask with water, tip the water out and put the cork in quick.
A litre is a nest of young baby animals.
A vacuum is a U-tube with a flask at one end.
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood, you'll get a glacier.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body warps the mind.
The human is more intelligent than the beast because the human has more convulsions.
To remove dust from the eye: Pull the eye over the nose.
For head colds: Use an agonizer to spray nose until it drops into your throat.
For snake bite: Bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
The process of turning steam into water again is called conversation.
A magnet is something you find in a bad apple.
Ammonium chloride is also silly maniac.
The school is ventilated by hot currents.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
Typhoid fever may be prevented by fascinations.
Algebraic symbols are used when you don't know what you're talking about.
Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
Sound is a rapid series of osculations.
The moon is planet just like the earth only deader.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmer's grain and soil his corpse.
By self-pollination, a farmer may get a crop of long-haired sheep.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
Dew is formed on the leaves when the sun makes them perspire.
Vegetative propagation is the precess by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
Sea water is has the formula CH2O.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
The hydra gets its food by descending upon its pray and pushing it into its mouth with its testicles.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
The cerebrum is a cavity in the head.
The hookworm larva enters the human body through the soul.

Thanks to anvari.org